Inside My Bones…!

I wrote this many years ago but I found nothing better to express how I feel in those difficult times…

“Here is how I came to love my mother. How I saw in her my own true nature. What was beneath my skin. Inside my bones.”

-Amy Tan. “From The joy luck club.”

              I had a problem trying to start this article. I kept on thinking of words and sentences but I was totally blank. I only felt a spark from somewhere deep in my soul, pushing me to write. I’ve never ever thought I’d write about this issue not even in my dreams, until the magic became so manifested that I couldn’t resist the spell.

I started my article with a quote of a writer that not all of us know, but I guess that it’s clear why I chose it, for only now I understand what magic I have in my life without noticing for so many years. An-mei (a Chinese name) –one of the novel’s heroines- said this quote when she first saw her mom as she was separated from her at a very early age. Although An-mei was so small when she was reunited with her mom, yet she felt what most of us fail to sense. When she looked at her mom, she believed she had regained her lost self. Although she had never seen her before, yet she knew her all on her own. Their reunion “for a mother and a daughter are only one soul that was split into two” was An-mei’s completion.  When she looked at her, she saw her own reflection in her mom’s face, in her eyes and all her features. She saw who she truly was.  

I’m really sorry to say that I was one of those people who spent years of their lives’ fighting with their moms and causing so many futile arguments, rather than decent talks. Now, I know how immature I was, for all the time; my mom was the very deep well of my inspiration. She was the one who listened without being bored, the one who looked and loved. She’s always had high expectations of me when I thought they were just some sort of annoying stresses. When she wanted to see me as a better person, I thought she didn’t want me to be myself and that she didn’t like who I was. When she asked me to give up some bad habits or to develop a better personality, I used to say; “this is just me and I won’t change. I don’t have to be like you. But ironically, now I know I’m so much like my mom.” I see my reflection in her eyes although our features are different. Now I know who I am, who I truly am and to where I belong. I must say I’m so proud I’m like my mom.