A special place in hell

I know it is too judgmental and borderline cruel…but to be perfectly honest, sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is the deep, unshakable faith that there is a special place in hell for people like you. I know a man is never a lost cause until he is dead, but then again, what remnants of you are alive so that I can keep on the faith and deem you fixable? What remains of a man devoid of a conscience? What better quality do we possess if it is not choosing what’s right and what’s kind? What makes a man if it is not his honour?

I have tried for so long to retain my unbiased, not easily aggravated way of thinking. I have tried to protect my judgment from undue anger, but you leave me helpless. I know that we have reached a place where it has become almost impossible for all of us to imagine that life will change, that we could draw a better hand and I know that it is unfair to judge you alone for the mistakes of the past. I know you are the result of your upbringing and your education, but how far can your upbringing be held responsible for your mistakes? Don’t you have any choice of your own? And the daily decisions you make, are they naturally springing from your subconscious or are they the result of your ultimately conscious choice to be mean and selfish.

I have the displeasure and the contempt of dealing with jerks and vagabonds like you on every single day of my life. I know that some people were brought up this way; lacking the means, the education, the power, the sense of responsibility, and accountability, the hope and concept of possibilities. I know that some people are severely wronged and marginalized. But what is your excuse exactly? You have been educated, you have been granted choices and you have been given the power to control and change. What good has that made you? What good have you done? You deliberately ruined a nation. You distorted its image and you have killed, not only dreams, but people. But the worst of all; will always be your master piece, you have blurred the line between right and wronged and by that, you have forever warped that nation’s conscience.

And for that I am not sorry to hate you and judge you. I am not sorry for the bloody images I develop in my head thinking of you and of every person responsible for what we have become. I will keep on thinking of fire scorching your skin and knives cutting through your limbs. I will dream of nails drawing holes in your skulls and emptying out your brain. I will dream of your veins drained out of blood. I will dream of the sound of your bones being crushed and I will dream you will be repaired and that I will have the pleasure of seeing this all over again. And perhaps it still won’t be enough. But I have faith, that God is kind and that He is just and that each and every one of you will pay for all the people who were imprisoned in dark, damp cells, tortured for years and then thrown in the gutters. You will pay for all the fear that you have spread like a virus to live and take over people’s thoughts and dreams. You will pay for the violence that took us all over. You will pay for people stripping of their humanity and degrading them to barking dogs. You will pay for fatherless children. You will pay for all the kids in the street who know no parents of which they can speak. You will pay for all the corruption, for spreading the culture of nepotism. You will pay for the unwavering belief that there is no hope. You will pay for spreading the word on the death of the communal conscience. You will pay for the ethics and morals that you have slighted. You will pay but not alone. We will also pay for silence, for our lack of compassion. We will pay for relinquishing faith. We will pay for letting you take over our lives when we should have known better.

I will no longer blame callus bus drivers who aggravate me every day and made my journey back home such a misery. I won’t blame the hospital security guard who smokes in the emergency entrance. I won’t blame the cab driver that used a log of wood to break off another driver’s window, thinking that it was the fair deal after a less than minor accident in which his car was slightly harmed. I won’t blame the cleaning ladies for leaving off more dust than they clean. I won’t blame beggars for not finding jobs and choosing the easy way out. I won’t blame those people unless I earnestly try to help them.

But I will certainly blame doctors who hit their patients and nurses who steal supplies. I will blame government employees who are careless with people’s businesses. I will blame businessmen who commit fraud. I will blame anyone who embezzles. I will blame teachers who knowingly distorting kids’ knowledge and way of thinking. I will blame writers who warp our minds. I will blame anyone who makes a business out of religion. I will blame any person who thinks that his or her personal merit is more important than the harm inflicted on any other human. I will blame all those and not just that; I will make it a daily business to make their lives a living hell.